Ah, the things traveling will do to you! It's a different environment, a different way of life... sometimes a different language and in this case, a different continent and a different worldview!
Coming home from Africa was quite an eye-opener, and I don't mean all the time I spent in the plane or waiting in airports!
The trip as a whole didn't impact me too much while I was there. It was when I came back and compared the reality I was just in with my everyday reality that I realized how fortunate we really are. Then again, there is also poverty here in North America... it's just not as painstakingly obvious.
Here are some of the flashbacks that I noted during my first two days back from Kenya. These are things that happened exactly like in the movies... Someone said something or I saw something that brought me back to my Kenyan experience.
* First and foremost, how weird is it to wake up in your own room, in your own bed, and not knowing where you are? It's very confusing, trust me. It took a good while to remember that I was home... and this didn't happen to me in any of the hotels I stayed in, or ever before!
* When I first brushed my teeth, I felt like something was missing... Water. Or more specifically, a water bottle. In Kenya, as per the travel clinic's orders, I used a water bottle to wet my toothbrush as well as to rinse my mouth after cleaning my teeth.
* More water woes... I'm so used to taking a sip or two of water when I was my face or in the shower. It was very hard for me to remember NOT to do that while I was in Kenya. Again, the travel clinic instilled fears of getting sick from the tap water deep down into my core. Good job!
* What about water pressure? There are places here where your water pressure isn't that great... namely cheap hotels or apartments. Luckily, the hotel was pretty good about strong shower streams, though there were times when the water would randomly stop, and sometimes you had to turn the tap completely to get a decent flow. Some places, even that didn't solve the problem. It made me wonder how people feel clean, especially when you have to wash that red Nairobi soil off the soles of your feet.
* Hey, guess what! I can plug my laptop directly into the wall! Yes, after 2 weeks of using adapters "African-style", as someone put it, it came as a bit of a surprise to me to be able to just plug it in. The "African-style" comment came after the porter helped us with my so-called universal adapter. Unfortunately, all the plugs at the hotel were UK, and my adapter was stuck on Europe. Cheap plastic! After trying to find us a spare adapter somewhere in the hotel, he took one look at mine, grabbed a pen cap, and pressed down the trigger in the top hole before inserting my European adapter into the UK plug. Fantastic! Only in Africa...
* My mom and I were lounging in the backyard when she said something about one of her plant attracting bees. I flashed back to the bee-keeping project we visited in rural Mombasa... I promise to tell you all about it later.
* I went for a drive a couple of days after I got back, or possibly even the day after I got back. I was at a stop sign and trying to figure out what the car opposite to me was going to do: go straight or turn. You know Montreal drivers. They rarely signal, especially on suburban streets! I tried to make eye contact with the driver and it took a few seconds before I understood why I wasn't reading any signals... I was staring at the passenger! Note to self: Drivers sit on the right in North America, not on the left.
I'm sure there were other moments that reminded me of life in Africa, but these are the fun that I noted. Spending time away from your reality also makes you realize what's important to you and what's not. Sorry, Perez. You didn't make the cut!
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
It's all coming back to me now
I had been meaning to blog more about Africa earlier, but working Rogers Cup tennis for 7 straight days basically took up all my time. It was eat, work, sleep, and lots of transit. But, I did manage to make some professional gains. It was my first gig as a bug operator for CBC, which means I was responsible for putting the scoreboard and stats in... and updating it too! This means I really needed to understand tennis, and after 4 days of actively watching it, I managed to figure it out :)
But back to the topic of the day: Africa.
I've already given you an overview of the trip, and I do plan on going into more details about some of our visits, but I think it's also important to understand how different the worldview is, or, as it turns out, how similar life in Kenya is to life in Canada.
Things that are the same... but not
Ya know how when you're driving, and the car in front of you is driving at a snail's pace and you just wish they'd change lanes and let you pass? You're gonna flash your high beams, aren't you? Well, in Kenya, they do that too! It's not a big realization, but it definitely showed me that some things we believe apply only to our culture are actually more universal than we think! And in East Africa, you don't get deer or moose crossings, but cow crossings. One time, our matatu nearly hit a cow to try to get it to cross faster. It wasn't impressed. It moo-ed at us and hit back!
Well, they're not the same because we're in different hemispheres, but they are just as beautiful. The difference is that in North America, you see stars lower on the horizon, while in Kenya, you really have to look straight up. I had a blast hanging out at the outdoor lounge at the Serena Mombasa, lying back and watch these natural gems sparkle. One night, three of us even saw a shooting star! My first confirmed sighting, and what a sight it was!
During our visit of the Nation Media Group facilities, I came to a startling realization. The more I listened and looked around, the more I was certain that while the media values, facilities and equipment are the same in Kenya as in North America, the East African newsrooms are evolving at a quicker pace. I believe that's because they're learning from our mistakes and successes. Basically, they're skipping the middle step, the trials and errors we made trying to achieve better quality and smoother content. Kenya is going digital this year. They're not in HD yet, but that's the next step. While here in Canada, we're struggling with upgrading from analog to digital because of the cost of the equipment, East Africans are at a natural equipment-replacement point and are able to purchase high end HD equipment as part of the renewal process. We tried to do it all too fast... We're in HD, but not true HD: True HD means that shooting equipment is HD, Audio is 5.1, transmission is HD, cables/transmitters are HD-capable, receivers and watching equipment are HD... If even one element is in standard definition, it's not HD. In Africa, they love gadgets. It won't be a problem to get people to buy HD TV sets, especially given that most people would probably be getting them as their first sets.
Most of the Frigoken factory workers in Nairobi were female. However, this was done by choice, not because of gender bias. Sure, women are detail-oriented and good with veggies, but does that mean they should be the ones assigned to snap the tips off green beans? The reason Frigoken employs mostly women is because this job allows them to provide a secondary income to their families. In some cases, it is the only decent job a woman with relatively little education can get in the city. And they make it easy too... The plant offers a drop-off daycare service in one of the adjoining buildings, and if I understood correctly, it's free! How many North American plants can boast the same? Also, many of the farmers in the village were women, although their husbands may own the plots.
Things that really are different
You've already heard the stories... The matatus run on a completely different system than our North American transit. It's more of a taxi-like system, regulated by the government to some extent in that drivers have to register their vehicles and pay some sort of fee. It's also like taxis because the drivers are absolutely insane. That's where the similarities end, though. Matatus are little white Toyota minivans/SUVs, often covered in all kinds of slogans and celebrity names. The most popular ones? Tupac and Obama buses. The slogans sometimes don't make sense... Why would an East African matatu driver decorate his bus to the theme of the Minnesota Wolverines? (No, not Michigan) Or "The Game"? Matatus decide to patrol specific routes, but pick people up and drop them off anywhere along that road or in that neighbourhood... And at the rate that these buses pass, you can probably get anywhere on time! Sometimes, you could see multiple matatus pulled over alongside the highway, trying to get people on board for the 2 Kenyan Shillings fair, which more or less converts to 2 cents.
In Kenya, you really can set your clock to the sun. Every day, without fail, the sun rises between 6:30 and 6:45 and sets between 6:30 and 6:45. It's absolutely amazing! You figure that's how villagers go by their day... So very impressive.
Nairobi is like any other metropolis: busy, constantly moving, full of people crowding the streets. In fact, it reminded me a bit of NYC. The only difference, of course, is the predominant skin colour on the downtown streets. But they're all in suits and briefcases, going about their day.
*Mombasa*
Mombasa, on the other hand, is totally a beach resort... Until you get to the main part of the town. There, you can definitely see the different levels of poverty, which are much more obvious than in the Nairobi outskirts. It's not just the shantytowns... From the moment you leave the Mombasa airport and until you reach the touristy beach resort, you can see the true face of East African poverty.
Those are just some general observations about my trip to Kenya. Next post? Coming home, and realizing how different life truly is from one end to the world to another.
Stay tuned...
But back to the topic of the day: Africa.
I've already given you an overview of the trip, and I do plan on going into more details about some of our visits, but I think it's also important to understand how different the worldview is, or, as it turns out, how similar life in Kenya is to life in Canada.
Things that are the same... but not
* Slowpoke! *
Ya know how when you're driving, and the car in front of you is driving at a snail's pace and you just wish they'd change lanes and let you pass? You're gonna flash your high beams, aren't you? Well, in Kenya, they do that too! It's not a big realization, but it definitely showed me that some things we believe apply only to our culture are actually more universal than we think! And in East Africa, you don't get deer or moose crossings, but cow crossings. One time, our matatu nearly hit a cow to try to get it to cross faster. It wasn't impressed. It moo-ed at us and hit back!
* The stars *
Well, they're not the same because we're in different hemispheres, but they are just as beautiful. The difference is that in North America, you see stars lower on the horizon, while in Kenya, you really have to look straight up. I had a blast hanging out at the outdoor lounge at the Serena Mombasa, lying back and watch these natural gems sparkle. One night, three of us even saw a shooting star! My first confirmed sighting, and what a sight it was!
* Media *
During our visit of the Nation Media Group facilities, I came to a startling realization. The more I listened and looked around, the more I was certain that while the media values, facilities and equipment are the same in Kenya as in North America, the East African newsrooms are evolving at a quicker pace. I believe that's because they're learning from our mistakes and successes. Basically, they're skipping the middle step, the trials and errors we made trying to achieve better quality and smoother content. Kenya is going digital this year. They're not in HD yet, but that's the next step. While here in Canada, we're struggling with upgrading from analog to digital because of the cost of the equipment, East Africans are at a natural equipment-replacement point and are able to purchase high end HD equipment as part of the renewal process. We tried to do it all too fast... We're in HD, but not true HD: True HD means that shooting equipment is HD, Audio is 5.1, transmission is HD, cables/transmitters are HD-capable, receivers and watching equipment are HD... If even one element is in standard definition, it's not HD. In Africa, they love gadgets. It won't be a problem to get people to buy HD TV sets, especially given that most people would probably be getting them as their first sets.
*Gender balance*
Most of the Frigoken factory workers in Nairobi were female. However, this was done by choice, not because of gender bias. Sure, women are detail-oriented and good with veggies, but does that mean they should be the ones assigned to snap the tips off green beans? The reason Frigoken employs mostly women is because this job allows them to provide a secondary income to their families. In some cases, it is the only decent job a woman with relatively little education can get in the city. And they make it easy too... The plant offers a drop-off daycare service in one of the adjoining buildings, and if I understood correctly, it's free! How many North American plants can boast the same? Also, many of the farmers in the village were women, although their husbands may own the plots.
Things that really are different
*The buses*
You've already heard the stories... The matatus run on a completely different system than our North American transit. It's more of a taxi-like system, regulated by the government to some extent in that drivers have to register their vehicles and pay some sort of fee. It's also like taxis because the drivers are absolutely insane. That's where the similarities end, though. Matatus are little white Toyota minivans/SUVs, often covered in all kinds of slogans and celebrity names. The most popular ones? Tupac and Obama buses. The slogans sometimes don't make sense... Why would an East African matatu driver decorate his bus to the theme of the Minnesota Wolverines? (No, not Michigan) Or "The Game"? Matatus decide to patrol specific routes, but pick people up and drop them off anywhere along that road or in that neighbourhood... And at the rate that these buses pass, you can probably get anywhere on time! Sometimes, you could see multiple matatus pulled over alongside the highway, trying to get people on board for the 2 Kenyan Shillings fair, which more or less converts to 2 cents.*What time is it?*
In Kenya, you really can set your clock to the sun. Every day, without fail, the sun rises between 6:30 and 6:45 and sets between 6:30 and 6:45. It's absolutely amazing! You figure that's how villagers go by their day... So very impressive.
Nairobi vs. Mombasa
*Nairobi*
Nairobi is like any other metropolis: busy, constantly moving, full of people crowding the streets. In fact, it reminded me a bit of NYC. The only difference, of course, is the predominant skin colour on the downtown streets. But they're all in suits and briefcases, going about their day.
*Mombasa*
Mombasa, on the other hand, is totally a beach resort... Until you get to the main part of the town. There, you can definitely see the different levels of poverty, which are much more obvious than in the Nairobi outskirts. It's not just the shantytowns... From the moment you leave the Mombasa airport and until you reach the touristy beach resort, you can see the true face of East African poverty.
Those are just some general observations about my trip to Kenya. Next post? Coming home, and realizing how different life truly is from one end to the world to another.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Courtesy of a friend
One of my friends shared an interesting theory with me this morning.
First, he informed me that he'd finally found a counter-argument to, and I quote, "all the people who are like "this world is fucked, I don't want to bring any children into it so no kids for me" argument."
Naturally, I was intrigued.
Basically, he says it's a lame excuse, because most of the people who say that are, simply put, smart people. And since smart people tend to end up with smart people, we also end up with couples that are made up of two not-so-smart people.
Think about it.
To be blunt... if two dumb people procreate, chances are we'll end up with a pretty dumb kid. (No offense intended - just explaining the theory). Sure, statistically, we could also end up with a super smart kid, but that's not the usual case.
Similarly, if two smart people breed, we will most likely end up with a smart kid. Perhaps a super smart kid. Also, there's a small chance of them having a super dumb kid, but once again, those chances are slim.
However, if the smart people don't believe in raising children in a messed up world, they won't breed. The "dumb" people, however, will continue to have kids, thereby increasing the number of "dumb" people in the world, and therefore probably contributing to making the world an even more messed up place, since the proportion of smart to dumb people will decrease dramatically.
Therefore, my friend argues that smart people who say they believe that their kids should have a better life should in fact have kids so that they can change the world with all their smart ideas... Darwin style.
And eventually, we'd end up with a better world that people might actually want to raise kids in, more often than not.
That's a pretty smart theory there buddy... Wanna breed?
First, he informed me that he'd finally found a counter-argument to, and I quote, "all the people who are like "this world is fucked, I don't want to bring any children into it so no kids for me" argument."
Naturally, I was intrigued.
Basically, he says it's a lame excuse, because most of the people who say that are, simply put, smart people. And since smart people tend to end up with smart people, we also end up with couples that are made up of two not-so-smart people.
Think about it.
To be blunt... if two dumb people procreate, chances are we'll end up with a pretty dumb kid. (No offense intended - just explaining the theory). Sure, statistically, we could also end up with a super smart kid, but that's not the usual case.
Similarly, if two smart people breed, we will most likely end up with a smart kid. Perhaps a super smart kid. Also, there's a small chance of them having a super dumb kid, but once again, those chances are slim.
However, if the smart people don't believe in raising children in a messed up world, they won't breed. The "dumb" people, however, will continue to have kids, thereby increasing the number of "dumb" people in the world, and therefore probably contributing to making the world an even more messed up place, since the proportion of smart to dumb people will decrease dramatically.
Therefore, my friend argues that smart people who say they believe that their kids should have a better life should in fact have kids so that they can change the world with all their smart ideas... Darwin style.
And eventually, we'd end up with a better world that people might actually want to raise kids in, more often than not.
That's a pretty smart theory there buddy... Wanna breed?
Friday, December 19, 2008
Detoxing
Lately, I've been looking for new ways to detox.
Despite my fairly calm, easy life, I've been very stressed. I guess the whole job searching thing will do that to you. Not to mention unexpected dental fees, crazy work hours, deadlines, insane travel time to get anywhere that's anywhere, and a busy home life. Add to that personal stress like potential relationships, tricky friendships, family visits, and PMSing, and you've got my life.
Understandably, I can be a ball of nerves at times.
I tried taking baths, and that worked for a while. But sometimes you're just too exhausted for a bath - and fear falling asleep and sinking lower and lower in the not nearly big enough tub - or more likely, you just don't have time to relax and detox in the bath. Or the will for it.
I tried candles and incense, but as much as I try to contain it to my room, it does flow into the rest of the house, to everyone else's detriment - which just causes additional stress and frustration.
Yoga's been a great help but it just hasn't been as mind-clearing as usual in the past few weeks... Perhaps because I have too much on my mind or maybe because it's often my only form of mental relaxation. Random meditation/breathing exercises at home are a temporary solution, but consequently the positive effects don't stick around for long.
Music has been kinda working, but as much as I love Britney Spears' new CD, listening to Circus on repeat just won't cut it. Classical music worked on one day, the Star Trek soundtrack on another. Random country music favourites also help, but they're just not mind-numbing enough. In fact, I'd say they're thought provoking with their catchy tunes and deep lyrics.
So what else can I try?
My problem is that I tend to want to avoid thinking about several issues at the same time, and while one solution will take care of one of the negative thoughts, it might bring up another. It's a bit of a vicious circle, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, other than doubling up on the yoga - which would be both expensive and taxing on the body. Seriously folks, after a good, active yoga session, my body honestly doesn't wanna stretch and bend like that again for oh, about a week or so.
And as much as I look forward to going to work as a form of entertainment - because of the excellent fun I have with my coworkers, the excitment in the air, and, of course, the hockey, work itself can be a cause of stress - or at least a reminder of it.
So I've taken to filling out surveys. Every night before I go to bed. Or at least, that's what I was doing a few weeks ago. Of course, everyone was in exams - or stressed out over the upcoming holidays - and so I had a constant string of new questionnaires to fill in, courtesy of friends' Facebook notes. Similarly, they'd feed my latest obsession by filling in the surveys I posted for procrastination purposes. Which fueled my search for more detailed and creative surveys to answer.
I've stopped doing the "must fill uber long survey instead of sleep" thing - mostly because I want to spend more time reading before bed, but when I feel particularly lethargic - a defensive reaction to stressful thoughts - I quickly search Facebook notes for a new survey to fill, or visit one of the many MySpace survey sites for something completely random.
What I really need, though, is a good cry.
After an extremely stressful week last week and several mini panic and/or anxiety attacks, I got over my immediate stress quite nicely with the above detoxing techniques... but I was so close to a breakdown that the tears are still lingering just under the surface. And while I'm not necessarily trying to hold them back, I'm not letting them fall free either. It would suck to have a long, hard cry for something that wasn't quite worth it. Somehow, I don't think it would accomplish anything long term - and so I'd be forced to cry once more to let it all out. And that's just not my MO.
Hopefully, having a bit more alone time during the holiday period will help - I'm looking forward to a mostly empty house, no crazy work hours or transportation issues, nearly no deadlines, and some "me" time.
Stay tuned...
Despite my fairly calm, easy life, I've been very stressed. I guess the whole job searching thing will do that to you. Not to mention unexpected dental fees, crazy work hours, deadlines, insane travel time to get anywhere that's anywhere, and a busy home life. Add to that personal stress like potential relationships, tricky friendships, family visits, and PMSing, and you've got my life.
Understandably, I can be a ball of nerves at times.
I tried taking baths, and that worked for a while. But sometimes you're just too exhausted for a bath - and fear falling asleep and sinking lower and lower in the not nearly big enough tub - or more likely, you just don't have time to relax and detox in the bath. Or the will for it.
I tried candles and incense, but as much as I try to contain it to my room, it does flow into the rest of the house, to everyone else's detriment - which just causes additional stress and frustration.
Yoga's been a great help but it just hasn't been as mind-clearing as usual in the past few weeks... Perhaps because I have too much on my mind or maybe because it's often my only form of mental relaxation. Random meditation/breathing exercises at home are a temporary solution, but consequently the positive effects don't stick around for long.
Music has been kinda working, but as much as I love Britney Spears' new CD, listening to Circus on repeat just won't cut it. Classical music worked on one day, the Star Trek soundtrack on another. Random country music favourites also help, but they're just not mind-numbing enough. In fact, I'd say they're thought provoking with their catchy tunes and deep lyrics.
So what else can I try?
My problem is that I tend to want to avoid thinking about several issues at the same time, and while one solution will take care of one of the negative thoughts, it might bring up another. It's a bit of a vicious circle, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, other than doubling up on the yoga - which would be both expensive and taxing on the body. Seriously folks, after a good, active yoga session, my body honestly doesn't wanna stretch and bend like that again for oh, about a week or so.
And as much as I look forward to going to work as a form of entertainment - because of the excellent fun I have with my coworkers, the excitment in the air, and, of course, the hockey, work itself can be a cause of stress - or at least a reminder of it.
So I've taken to filling out surveys. Every night before I go to bed. Or at least, that's what I was doing a few weeks ago. Of course, everyone was in exams - or stressed out over the upcoming holidays - and so I had a constant string of new questionnaires to fill in, courtesy of friends' Facebook notes. Similarly, they'd feed my latest obsession by filling in the surveys I posted for procrastination purposes. Which fueled my search for more detailed and creative surveys to answer.
I've stopped doing the "must fill uber long survey instead of sleep" thing - mostly because I want to spend more time reading before bed, but when I feel particularly lethargic - a defensive reaction to stressful thoughts - I quickly search Facebook notes for a new survey to fill, or visit one of the many MySpace survey sites for something completely random.
What I really need, though, is a good cry.
After an extremely stressful week last week and several mini panic and/or anxiety attacks, I got over my immediate stress quite nicely with the above detoxing techniques... but I was so close to a breakdown that the tears are still lingering just under the surface. And while I'm not necessarily trying to hold them back, I'm not letting them fall free either. It would suck to have a long, hard cry for something that wasn't quite worth it. Somehow, I don't think it would accomplish anything long term - and so I'd be forced to cry once more to let it all out. And that's just not my MO.
Hopefully, having a bit more alone time during the holiday period will help - I'm looking forward to a mostly empty house, no crazy work hours or transportation issues, nearly no deadlines, and some "me" time.
Stay tuned...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Because I have to.
I need to blog.
Why? I don't know.
About what? No clue either.
But still, I need to blog. I need to write, to create, to express... whatever it is I'm thinking, feeling, experiencing...
And yet, I find myself devoid of inspiration. Well, not exactly.
Here's the thing. I actually come up with great blog topics... when I'm brushing my teeth at night and the computer is off. I head to bed and try to relax and instead I'm writing my blog in my head. The words are gorgeous and the sentences just flow like a beautiful river... But I'm definitely too tired to get out of bed, let alone wait for the laptop to start up, then load blogger and start typing.
Sometimes, I'm lucky and I remember the topic and the gist of what I was going to say at some point the next day. Most of the time, it's a glimmer of thought... lost among dreams and their interpretations and lists of things to do today.
In other words, it's gone.
I've tried keeping a recorder near the bed so I could dictate my blog to my (future) self, but that was during a period of fairly limited creativity. I always have a pad of paper and a pen by my bedside, but turning on the light when my eyes are that tired is just not an option. And though I have penned songs in the dark with some success, it's just not the same when you have to write out complete sentences.
I don't know what the solution is. I don't know why I can't think creatively while I'm awake(-ish). This free writing thing I'm doing right now is kinda working, but that's because I don't need to think about the topic itself, since, well, circular logic here... I'd get into it but I'd just confuse myself, and probably mess you up too...
The good news is, no matter what I choose to type about, the words always appear as if by magic. And I like that. I'm glad that's not gone yet.
Well, I guess practice makes perfect, as they say, so I'll just have to keep doing this random blog about whatever thing.
Stay tuned...
Why? I don't know.
About what? No clue either.
But still, I need to blog. I need to write, to create, to express... whatever it is I'm thinking, feeling, experiencing...
And yet, I find myself devoid of inspiration. Well, not exactly.
Here's the thing. I actually come up with great blog topics... when I'm brushing my teeth at night and the computer is off. I head to bed and try to relax and instead I'm writing my blog in my head. The words are gorgeous and the sentences just flow like a beautiful river... But I'm definitely too tired to get out of bed, let alone wait for the laptop to start up, then load blogger and start typing.
Sometimes, I'm lucky and I remember the topic and the gist of what I was going to say at some point the next day. Most of the time, it's a glimmer of thought... lost among dreams and their interpretations and lists of things to do today.
In other words, it's gone.
I've tried keeping a recorder near the bed so I could dictate my blog to my (future) self, but that was during a period of fairly limited creativity. I always have a pad of paper and a pen by my bedside, but turning on the light when my eyes are that tired is just not an option. And though I have penned songs in the dark with some success, it's just not the same when you have to write out complete sentences.
I don't know what the solution is. I don't know why I can't think creatively while I'm awake(-ish). This free writing thing I'm doing right now is kinda working, but that's because I don't need to think about the topic itself, since, well, circular logic here... I'd get into it but I'd just confuse myself, and probably mess you up too...
The good news is, no matter what I choose to type about, the words always appear as if by magic. And I like that. I'm glad that's not gone yet.
Well, I guess practice makes perfect, as they say, so I'll just have to keep doing this random blog about whatever thing.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sex, Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness
Let me just preface this by saying that my views on love are very different from most people's. I'm not suggesting that my opinions are correct and that everyone should think like me. I understand that love is a very personal subject, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, whatever that may be. There is no right and wrong on love, just different perceptions of it. Again, I'm not judging, just thinking.
This is the fourth and final post in an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here, part 2 is here, and part 3, here.
Is sex only meant to be shared between two partners who are very much in love? That's what all our social and ethical guides seem to tell us. And yet, there is so much more to sex than intercourse between one man and one woman.
Lets just quickly take a look at some options. Picture yourself in grade school - math class. You're working on groups and trying to find how many combinations are possible.
Man and woman vs woman and woman vs man and man, vs man and woman and woman or man and man and woman... and the list goes on...
Then there's all the different acts, settings, actions, positions...
I think we can all agree that sex is more than a man and a woman in the missionary position on their bed in their master bedroom at night with the lights off trying to have a kid.
Then why is it so hard for us to accept that there can be more than one interpretation of sex? Of course, you've got the extreme views that sex should not be pleasurable if you're doing right. Or that anything sexual is demeaning to females. Or that only men are allowed to be in control.
Yeah, right.
Society's views on sex stem from a religious background. As mentioned previously, religious and social guidelines, though perhaps influenced by revelations from a higher power, are deeply rooted in the social settings of the time when they were created.
Monogamy was a solution to recklessness, disease, and the lack of self-control.
Sex for copulative purposes only was a solution to over-population, and recklessness.
But in our time, in our world, where (hopefully) the use of contraceptives is widespread, do we really need such restrictions?
In many cases, these ingrained values force us to shut down, close up, and hide from the world. We try to protect ourselves from the potential hurt that we've been told exists all around us because of sex. We see sexual acts as a form higher than regular everyday actions like washing your face - as it should be - but then put sex on a pedestal, high above other forms of pleasure.
Our understanding of sex makes us reluctant to let go and give in to the positive feelings that sexual play can bring. Our social environment doesn't accept that the purpose of sex can be purely a physical and often emotional release. That it's a perfectly acceptable, normal response to the hormones flowing in our bodies. That it is a form of pleasure that should not only be tolerated but encouraged. That the high that comes during and after sex can stem from more than just a sense of duty.
Sex, really, is the highest, purest form of physical pleasure a human being can enjoy. That being said, religion teaches us that the highest, purest spiritual pleasure we can experience is finding God and bathing in the understanding of life, the universe and everything. Then why is it so hard to believe that the orgasm that comes from sex is the material equivalent to the spiritual orgasm of being one with God?
I'm not suggesting you go on a sexual rampage with the purpose of finding God. That's definitely not going to work. Because just like in your quest for spiritual upliftment, you can only reach your zenith when everything works. The emotional longing, the intellectual stimulation and the physical attraction are all essential elements of a phenomenal sexual experience, aka orgasm. Without one of them, it might still be good - just not as good. Something will be missing. Something, perhaps, that will keep you from completely letting go and embracing the orgasm. Embracing that moment when everything stops, when the world waits for you, when light surrounds you and you just get it.
Back to society's interpretation of sex. Understandably, we can't go around screwing everything that moves. But that doesn't mean that it's wrong to want someone... many people, whether or not you're in a committed relationship. No matter what society says, sex should not be on a pedestal. It is not sacred to that extent. It's definitely something to be thoughtful about and careful with, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be explored to the fullest - no many how many different combinations or experiences you need in order to be fulfilled sexually.
Sex does not have to be tied to a relationship. It doesn't have to be done exclusively with someone you love. Or even just like, for that matter. Take, for example, rape. Just because it's not wanted by both parties doesn't make it not "sex".
Our perception of sex is muddled by our wants and needs for a relationship. Rarely do we examine sex alone, free from pretenses. And when some brave souls try to do so, they get shot down with prejudices and stereotypes. They're called whores and sluts, players and pervs. They're not good for you, your family will say. They only care about one thing, your friends will say. But no one will dare say that they're exploring ways to release the sexual tension that's building up inside of them. Because that's just wrong.
It's wrong to want to be happy on a sexual level. It's wrong to love someone yet long to feel another's body next to yours. It's wrong not to be fully committed, sexually, to one person alone.
Uhm, sure.
Do I need to bring up trust and honesty and feelings of insecurity once more?
What about love? Remember those different kinds of love? One of them is definitely sexual love. Pure physical attraction, the matching of your body with his or hers - or his and hers!
Sex should not be a taboo. It should not feel uncomfortable to talk about sex, at least, not much more uncomfortable than it is to discuss other natural need-fulfilling acts. Eating or sleeping, for example. Or going to the washroom, for that matter, which is only weird because we associate the body parts that take care of those natural releases with sex. Circular logic, perhaps, but none of those subjects should be taboo.
That's not to say that what happens between the bedsheets - or on the kitchen counter, in the movie theatre or on the backseat of a car - should be freely shared with everyone. There is such a thing as privacy, and I'd like to hope that people engaging in sexual acts together have spoken about what's fair game and what isn't. Again, it's all about the trust.
Just like having sex is all about trusting your partner(s), and therefore being comfortable enough to tell them how you feel and what you want, honest enough to tell them what you like and don't like. The concepts blend harmoniously well together, from the emotional and intellectual aspects of sex to the act itself.
And when I mean sex, I'm not talking simply about intercourse. I mean all forms of sexual play, from oral to anal to masturbation, multiple partners, same-sex or transgendered partners, role playing, fetishes and BDSM. None of this should be taboo. All of it is completely natural, no matter how many props you use or holes you choose to fill.
For one thing, sexual activity and the release of associated hormones does seem to have positive effects on one's health - from reducing the chances of senility to keeping your heart strong and your muscles active.
The observations I am making here also apply to sexualized situations. I mean being topless - male or female - or dressing seductively. I mean talking about your period, an itch in your crotch, or that porn you caught on TV last night. I mean walking around in your underwear. If you can stroll public beaches in a tiny bikini, why isn't it acceptable to wear your more covering undergarments in a semi-private location? As long as you're respectful about it and not doing it just to spite someone who is clearly uncomfortable with the subject, then why can't you be overt with your sexuality?
By not investing in sex as necessarily a physical extension of your feelings, you bring the concept and acts down to a more reasonable level. One where it can thrive and help you thrive without all the emotional attachments and heartbreaks that society suggests are inevitable. The feeling of intimacy is there, there's no doubt about that, but you can be physical for the sole purpose of feeling good and releasing sexual tension. No strings attached.
Again - I'm not implying that sleeping around just to be sexually satisfied is optimal. In fact, you'll probably be less satisfied overall. You'll probably feel like something is missing. That final piece of the puzzle that you just can't find even though you've looked inside the box, across the floor, and all over the room.
But sex can and should exist outside of relationships, not only to keep your body healthy, but also to keep you sane. As long as it is a safe connection, that you have the same understanding as all parties involved, and that you're not hurting anyone, betraying or helping to betray anyone's trust, then engaging in sexual activity is a-ok, no matter what society says.
I think that pretty much wraps up this exploration on love. I had a lot of fun - thoughtful fun - writing these, and it feels good to get my impressions out in the open. I hope that sharing them with you has caused you to think or rethink your perspectives, and perhaps this series can spark a discussion on the place and perception of love and all associated concepts in today's society.
Thank you for tuning in, and please stay tuned for more similarly enlightening (hopefully) posts and explorations...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
This is the fourth and final post in an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here, part 2 is here, and part 3, here.
Is sex only meant to be shared between two partners who are very much in love? That's what all our social and ethical guides seem to tell us. And yet, there is so much more to sex than intercourse between one man and one woman.
Lets just quickly take a look at some options. Picture yourself in grade school - math class. You're working on groups and trying to find how many combinations are possible.
Man and woman vs woman and woman vs man and man, vs man and woman and woman or man and man and woman... and the list goes on...
Then there's all the different acts, settings, actions, positions...
I think we can all agree that sex is more than a man and a woman in the missionary position on their bed in their master bedroom at night with the lights off trying to have a kid.
Then why is it so hard for us to accept that there can be more than one interpretation of sex? Of course, you've got the extreme views that sex should not be pleasurable if you're doing right. Or that anything sexual is demeaning to females. Or that only men are allowed to be in control.
Yeah, right.
Society's views on sex stem from a religious background. As mentioned previously, religious and social guidelines, though perhaps influenced by revelations from a higher power, are deeply rooted in the social settings of the time when they were created.
Monogamy was a solution to recklessness, disease, and the lack of self-control.
Sex for copulative purposes only was a solution to over-population, and recklessness.
But in our time, in our world, where (hopefully) the use of contraceptives is widespread, do we really need such restrictions?
In many cases, these ingrained values force us to shut down, close up, and hide from the world. We try to protect ourselves from the potential hurt that we've been told exists all around us because of sex. We see sexual acts as a form higher than regular everyday actions like washing your face - as it should be - but then put sex on a pedestal, high above other forms of pleasure.
Our understanding of sex makes us reluctant to let go and give in to the positive feelings that sexual play can bring. Our social environment doesn't accept that the purpose of sex can be purely a physical and often emotional release. That it's a perfectly acceptable, normal response to the hormones flowing in our bodies. That it is a form of pleasure that should not only be tolerated but encouraged. That the high that comes during and after sex can stem from more than just a sense of duty.
Sex, really, is the highest, purest form of physical pleasure a human being can enjoy. That being said, religion teaches us that the highest, purest spiritual pleasure we can experience is finding God and bathing in the understanding of life, the universe and everything. Then why is it so hard to believe that the orgasm that comes from sex is the material equivalent to the spiritual orgasm of being one with God?
I'm not suggesting you go on a sexual rampage with the purpose of finding God. That's definitely not going to work. Because just like in your quest for spiritual upliftment, you can only reach your zenith when everything works. The emotional longing, the intellectual stimulation and the physical attraction are all essential elements of a phenomenal sexual experience, aka orgasm. Without one of them, it might still be good - just not as good. Something will be missing. Something, perhaps, that will keep you from completely letting go and embracing the orgasm. Embracing that moment when everything stops, when the world waits for you, when light surrounds you and you just get it.
Back to society's interpretation of sex. Understandably, we can't go around screwing everything that moves. But that doesn't mean that it's wrong to want someone... many people, whether or not you're in a committed relationship. No matter what society says, sex should not be on a pedestal. It is not sacred to that extent. It's definitely something to be thoughtful about and careful with, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be explored to the fullest - no many how many different combinations or experiences you need in order to be fulfilled sexually.
Sex does not have to be tied to a relationship. It doesn't have to be done exclusively with someone you love. Or even just like, for that matter. Take, for example, rape. Just because it's not wanted by both parties doesn't make it not "sex".
Our perception of sex is muddled by our wants and needs for a relationship. Rarely do we examine sex alone, free from pretenses. And when some brave souls try to do so, they get shot down with prejudices and stereotypes. They're called whores and sluts, players and pervs. They're not good for you, your family will say. They only care about one thing, your friends will say. But no one will dare say that they're exploring ways to release the sexual tension that's building up inside of them. Because that's just wrong.
It's wrong to want to be happy on a sexual level. It's wrong to love someone yet long to feel another's body next to yours. It's wrong not to be fully committed, sexually, to one person alone.
Uhm, sure.
Do I need to bring up trust and honesty and feelings of insecurity once more?
What about love? Remember those different kinds of love? One of them is definitely sexual love. Pure physical attraction, the matching of your body with his or hers - or his and hers!
Sex should not be a taboo. It should not feel uncomfortable to talk about sex, at least, not much more uncomfortable than it is to discuss other natural need-fulfilling acts. Eating or sleeping, for example. Or going to the washroom, for that matter, which is only weird because we associate the body parts that take care of those natural releases with sex. Circular logic, perhaps, but none of those subjects should be taboo.
That's not to say that what happens between the bedsheets - or on the kitchen counter, in the movie theatre or on the backseat of a car - should be freely shared with everyone. There is such a thing as privacy, and I'd like to hope that people engaging in sexual acts together have spoken about what's fair game and what isn't. Again, it's all about the trust.
Just like having sex is all about trusting your partner(s), and therefore being comfortable enough to tell them how you feel and what you want, honest enough to tell them what you like and don't like. The concepts blend harmoniously well together, from the emotional and intellectual aspects of sex to the act itself.
And when I mean sex, I'm not talking simply about intercourse. I mean all forms of sexual play, from oral to anal to masturbation, multiple partners, same-sex or transgendered partners, role playing, fetishes and BDSM. None of this should be taboo. All of it is completely natural, no matter how many props you use or holes you choose to fill.
For one thing, sexual activity and the release of associated hormones does seem to have positive effects on one's health - from reducing the chances of senility to keeping your heart strong and your muscles active.
The observations I am making here also apply to sexualized situations. I mean being topless - male or female - or dressing seductively. I mean talking about your period, an itch in your crotch, or that porn you caught on TV last night. I mean walking around in your underwear. If you can stroll public beaches in a tiny bikini, why isn't it acceptable to wear your more covering undergarments in a semi-private location? As long as you're respectful about it and not doing it just to spite someone who is clearly uncomfortable with the subject, then why can't you be overt with your sexuality?
By not investing in sex as necessarily a physical extension of your feelings, you bring the concept and acts down to a more reasonable level. One where it can thrive and help you thrive without all the emotional attachments and heartbreaks that society suggests are inevitable. The feeling of intimacy is there, there's no doubt about that, but you can be physical for the sole purpose of feeling good and releasing sexual tension. No strings attached.
Again - I'm not implying that sleeping around just to be sexually satisfied is optimal. In fact, you'll probably be less satisfied overall. You'll probably feel like something is missing. That final piece of the puzzle that you just can't find even though you've looked inside the box, across the floor, and all over the room.
But sex can and should exist outside of relationships, not only to keep your body healthy, but also to keep you sane. As long as it is a safe connection, that you have the same understanding as all parties involved, and that you're not hurting anyone, betraying or helping to betray anyone's trust, then engaging in sexual activity is a-ok, no matter what society says.
I think that pretty much wraps up this exploration on love. I had a lot of fun - thoughtful fun - writing these, and it feels good to get my impressions out in the open. I hope that sharing them with you has caused you to think or rethink your perspectives, and perhaps this series can spark a discussion on the place and perception of love and all associated concepts in today's society.
Thank you for tuning in, and please stay tuned for more similarly enlightening (hopefully) posts and explorations...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Affairs of Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness
Let me just preface this by saying that my views on love are very different from most people's. I'm not suggesting that my opinions are correct and that everyone should think like me. I understand that love is a very personal subject, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, whatever that may be. There is no right and wrong on love, just different perceptions of it. Again, I'm not judging, just thinking.
This is the third installment of an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here, and part 2 is here.
Ah, "affair". A word with many connotations, good and bad. Whether it's used to refer to a flashy political or social event or a secret proscribed relationship, it has a sort of sexy, risqué flair to it.
Wikipedia lists several different types of relationship-related affairs, from forms of non-monogamy, to infidelity and adultery to emotional affairs.
As per most sources, "affairs" take place when one or both of the partners in a relationship are dissatisfied with their current situation. This dissatisfaction might come from falling out of love with your partner, from personal growth in separate directions, or a life change that has impacted the relationship in such a way that it is different from what it was before. In this case, honesty is primordial.
In order for the relationship to overcome a life change, you must be honest with your significant other, plainly laying out your feelings and impressions. And, not to be harsh, but if you're in a committed relationship, be it open or closed, you shouldn't have issues with being honest with your partner. You may perhaps be afraid of hurting them, but be warned that dishonesty leads to a lack of trust, and is the first crumbling freckle of sand in the castle you've built together. In the long run, it's always better to be honest now and cause only some pain rather than letting the betrayal drag on and causing increasingly more pain.
Fundamentally, an affair is betrayal of trust. But the current definitions of affair assume that love exists in fixed quantities, not that it's an energy, a life force. In adultery, the betrayal is the act of having intercourse with someone other than your partner. This assumes that sex is a higher, more important act than, say, playing a game of Scrabble together. In a purer sense, playing a game of Scrabble with someone else than your partner could be a form of adultery... if those are the boundaries you've agreed upon with your partner. But in most cases, couples base their definitions of affairs on the what society has dictated as being right and wrong. In this case, we're talking about sex.
Of course, adultery can be caused by more than just the act of intercourse. In most cases, it is understood to include other sexual acts, such as oral and anal sex. In some cases, one or both members of a relationship can believe it to include mutual masturbation, virtual sex (cyber or phone), masturbating or performing other sexual acts while thinking of someone other than your partner (unless that's the game, of course), and even flirting. As you can see, the list can go on and on. It's important to discuss, with your partner, what constitutes an affair.
Some couples have been known to have provisions such as celebrity lists, aka, if one of the members of the relationship were to be propositioned or have a chance of engaging in sexual activity with someone on the list, it would be okay. It would be temporarily acceptable for that person to engage in otherwise adulterous behaviour. If that's the case, that act of infidelity would not be considered an affair.
In other cases, certain people have trouble even "allowing", for lack of a better word, their partners to engage in platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. The extra person tends to be attractive and so the partner might feel threatened by his or her presence in the life of their significant other. Sometimes, the woman feels that her partner might be tempted to be unfaithful, or worse, corrupted by this other woman. Sometimes, it is a man who feels insecure and unable to keep his female partner from resisting the temptation of being with another man, or worse, they think that the other man will steal her away from him.
This does happen in real life and I'm sure we can all think of at least one example of a similar situation.
It all sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it? Childish, even. But the feeling of threat is real and is powerful. It incites jealousy and initiates control. Slowly, these feelings take over, causing hurt to all parties involved. And yet, it can be traced back to a lack of trust in each other, and a lack of openness. Why not ask your partner how he or she feels about this new "threat"? Even if there is a sexual attraction, there is little cause for concern if both partners are comfortable being honest about their feelings. But from what I can tell, this pure form of honesty doesn't always exist in a relationship of "in love" and even in some relationships of "love".
Still, your partner would not abandon you for another simply because of sexual urges. There is an underlying need that he or she feels could be met in the new relationship. In an honest, trusting relationship, you would have already talked about what's missing, what needs are not being met. Perhaps there are needs that cannot be met in your relationship; a hobby that one partner simply does not enjoy, for example.
The line between friendship and a potentially sexual relationship can be blurred at times by feelings of insecurity. If you become jealous of the amount of time your partner spends with that other as opposed to you and are not upfront about it, the dynamic of your relationship will change, and that will be the cause of the hypothetical break up. If you cannot be honest about your wants and needs, how can you entrust your heart and soul that person? How can you be absolutely certain that they will care for you the way you do for them, when you can't even explain to them what kind of caring you want and need?
This consequences of this lacking can flow in two directions. On the one hand, a partner can become over controlling, limiting the time spent with others, whether of the same or opposite sex. This is obviously not a healthy relationship. And yet, so many of the couples around us live in a similar kind of confinement, feeling uneasy being friends or simply hanging out with someone because their partner "won't like it", or "might find out and get angry", "disapproves of me spending (so much) time with you".
To be blunt, that is so not cool.
It's stifling to the spirit and is clearly not a relationship based on love. It's a relationship based on hurt. Nothing good can come out of it, save for learning an important lesson on life.
On the other hand, the lacking can cause what has become referred to as an "emotional affair".
This is a topic that is close to my heart for several reasons. An avid supporter of open relationships, emotional affairs, to me, don't exist. They are a restrictive term applied to a completely natural process - that of caring for someone you are close to, on a platonic level or on a loving level.
For Wikipedia, an emotional affair is one where there is a certain amount of intimacy, with or without romance and/or sex. Some consider relationships where there is casual sex, aka friends with benefits, to be a type of emotional affair if one or both of the members are involved with someone else. Of course, some would consider that to be more than just an emotional affair.
Most of the time, an emotional affair is a friendship where the subjects are very close, perhaps even intimate in terms of physical comfort - from hugs, to snuggles, to kissing, even. In order to be an emotional affair, though, there must be caring that is different than in a regular relationship. There must be a connection on a higher level. There could even be love, without being in love. Unless it's an emotional affair that is characterized by a racy romance and a whole lot of flirting, perhaps without any true intention of being friends in every day life outside of the flirting, there must, in fact, be love, in one or several of the forms we explored last time.
To me, there is nothing wrong with having an emotional affair. It's a bond that is special, and unique, in the same way that all relationships are unique. Your relationship with your mom, for example, good or bad, is unique, because it is only between the both of you and is not the same as anyone else's relationship with their mom, as well as not the same as your relationship with anyone else. Based on certain definitions, your relationship with a close sibling or your best friend might be considered an emotional affair.
An emotional affair is also not a relationship, close or otherwise, where flirting is a regular part of the conversation. That's just teasing without any intention of following through on the actions. That's harmful to no one, and in fact, makes most people happy - unless it becomes an emotional affair.
Where it gets tricky is when the emotional affair takes away from the connection one shares with his or her significant other. Still, this is simply a perception since, if love is a limitless energy, it cannot be taken away from someone. Time, however, is fixed in the material world, and so an emotional affair can take away from your quality time with your partner.
Again, the only way an emotional affair becomes a problem is if there is a betrayal. If there is deception. Secrecy. If, in other words, there is a lack of honesty between you and your primary partner. If there is a lack of trust in the other to understand and to love and care for you enough to let you explore your feelings - and not necessarily sexual ones - in this so-called emotional affair. If there is a threat caused by a un-discussed and so undisclosed lacking. If jealousy and doubt are seeds sprinkled across your relationship. If insecurity is the reason you long to stay together. If love is not the underlying energy keeping you together.
Emotional affairs are only negative when they're not in the open. Because they prevent at least one of the participating parties from being happy. I believe that an open emotional affair is a positive addition to a relationship, a way for partners to relax, in a sense, from trying to meet a need they either can't or don't want to fulfill (think hobbies, for example), and a way for them to stop aching and feeling undeserving and perhaps even inferior for not being able to provide for their partner in some respects.
To me, a close friendship, whether or not it has sensual dimension, is essential to the success of a relationship. Sometimes, that close friendship happens to be your relationship with your partner. When that's not the case, it should not be referred to as an emotional affair because of the stigma associated to those words. Because of the negative connotations society assigns to it.
And that's why I don't believe in the term "emotional affair". An emotional affair is society's way of stereotyping the roles of men and women and perpetuating the concepts of love that were imposed long ago to help reign in our recklessness and high birth rate. It is society's version of right and wrong, based on ideas that prevent true love from flowing. That tells couples that it's okay not to talk about your wants and needs because society has already decided on them for you. Society makes some open relationships fail due to a difference in perception that was not broached prior to entering the open relationship, or ideas and ideals that may have changed over the course of the relationship, but due to the absence of honesty and trust, were not discussed. Societal norms and rules are also why closed relationships fail, for the same root reason: a lack of communication.
And yet all of this stems from the way sex is perceived, or rather, what society tells us we should think about sex, a subject I will tackle in my next post.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
This is the third installment of an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here, and part 2 is here.
Ah, "affair". A word with many connotations, good and bad. Whether it's used to refer to a flashy political or social event or a secret proscribed relationship, it has a sort of sexy, risqué flair to it.
Wikipedia lists several different types of relationship-related affairs, from forms of non-monogamy, to infidelity and adultery to emotional affairs.
As per most sources, "affairs" take place when one or both of the partners in a relationship are dissatisfied with their current situation. This dissatisfaction might come from falling out of love with your partner, from personal growth in separate directions, or a life change that has impacted the relationship in such a way that it is different from what it was before. In this case, honesty is primordial.
In order for the relationship to overcome a life change, you must be honest with your significant other, plainly laying out your feelings and impressions. And, not to be harsh, but if you're in a committed relationship, be it open or closed, you shouldn't have issues with being honest with your partner. You may perhaps be afraid of hurting them, but be warned that dishonesty leads to a lack of trust, and is the first crumbling freckle of sand in the castle you've built together. In the long run, it's always better to be honest now and cause only some pain rather than letting the betrayal drag on and causing increasingly more pain.
Fundamentally, an affair is betrayal of trust. But the current definitions of affair assume that love exists in fixed quantities, not that it's an energy, a life force. In adultery, the betrayal is the act of having intercourse with someone other than your partner. This assumes that sex is a higher, more important act than, say, playing a game of Scrabble together. In a purer sense, playing a game of Scrabble with someone else than your partner could be a form of adultery... if those are the boundaries you've agreed upon with your partner. But in most cases, couples base their definitions of affairs on the what society has dictated as being right and wrong. In this case, we're talking about sex.
Of course, adultery can be caused by more than just the act of intercourse. In most cases, it is understood to include other sexual acts, such as oral and anal sex. In some cases, one or both members of a relationship can believe it to include mutual masturbation, virtual sex (cyber or phone), masturbating or performing other sexual acts while thinking of someone other than your partner (unless that's the game, of course), and even flirting. As you can see, the list can go on and on. It's important to discuss, with your partner, what constitutes an affair.
Some couples have been known to have provisions such as celebrity lists, aka, if one of the members of the relationship were to be propositioned or have a chance of engaging in sexual activity with someone on the list, it would be okay. It would be temporarily acceptable for that person to engage in otherwise adulterous behaviour. If that's the case, that act of infidelity would not be considered an affair.
In other cases, certain people have trouble even "allowing", for lack of a better word, their partners to engage in platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. The extra person tends to be attractive and so the partner might feel threatened by his or her presence in the life of their significant other. Sometimes, the woman feels that her partner might be tempted to be unfaithful, or worse, corrupted by this other woman. Sometimes, it is a man who feels insecure and unable to keep his female partner from resisting the temptation of being with another man, or worse, they think that the other man will steal her away from him.
This does happen in real life and I'm sure we can all think of at least one example of a similar situation.
It all sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it? Childish, even. But the feeling of threat is real and is powerful. It incites jealousy and initiates control. Slowly, these feelings take over, causing hurt to all parties involved. And yet, it can be traced back to a lack of trust in each other, and a lack of openness. Why not ask your partner how he or she feels about this new "threat"? Even if there is a sexual attraction, there is little cause for concern if both partners are comfortable being honest about their feelings. But from what I can tell, this pure form of honesty doesn't always exist in a relationship of "in love" and even in some relationships of "love".
Still, your partner would not abandon you for another simply because of sexual urges. There is an underlying need that he or she feels could be met in the new relationship. In an honest, trusting relationship, you would have already talked about what's missing, what needs are not being met. Perhaps there are needs that cannot be met in your relationship; a hobby that one partner simply does not enjoy, for example.
The line between friendship and a potentially sexual relationship can be blurred at times by feelings of insecurity. If you become jealous of the amount of time your partner spends with that other as opposed to you and are not upfront about it, the dynamic of your relationship will change, and that will be the cause of the hypothetical break up. If you cannot be honest about your wants and needs, how can you entrust your heart and soul that person? How can you be absolutely certain that they will care for you the way you do for them, when you can't even explain to them what kind of caring you want and need?
This consequences of this lacking can flow in two directions. On the one hand, a partner can become over controlling, limiting the time spent with others, whether of the same or opposite sex. This is obviously not a healthy relationship. And yet, so many of the couples around us live in a similar kind of confinement, feeling uneasy being friends or simply hanging out with someone because their partner "won't like it", or "might find out and get angry", "disapproves of me spending (so much) time with you".
To be blunt, that is so not cool.
It's stifling to the spirit and is clearly not a relationship based on love. It's a relationship based on hurt. Nothing good can come out of it, save for learning an important lesson on life.
On the other hand, the lacking can cause what has become referred to as an "emotional affair".
This is a topic that is close to my heart for several reasons. An avid supporter of open relationships, emotional affairs, to me, don't exist. They are a restrictive term applied to a completely natural process - that of caring for someone you are close to, on a platonic level or on a loving level.
For Wikipedia, an emotional affair is one where there is a certain amount of intimacy, with or without romance and/or sex. Some consider relationships where there is casual sex, aka friends with benefits, to be a type of emotional affair if one or both of the members are involved with someone else. Of course, some would consider that to be more than just an emotional affair.
Most of the time, an emotional affair is a friendship where the subjects are very close, perhaps even intimate in terms of physical comfort - from hugs, to snuggles, to kissing, even. In order to be an emotional affair, though, there must be caring that is different than in a regular relationship. There must be a connection on a higher level. There could even be love, without being in love. Unless it's an emotional affair that is characterized by a racy romance and a whole lot of flirting, perhaps without any true intention of being friends in every day life outside of the flirting, there must, in fact, be love, in one or several of the forms we explored last time.
To me, there is nothing wrong with having an emotional affair. It's a bond that is special, and unique, in the same way that all relationships are unique. Your relationship with your mom, for example, good or bad, is unique, because it is only between the both of you and is not the same as anyone else's relationship with their mom, as well as not the same as your relationship with anyone else. Based on certain definitions, your relationship with a close sibling or your best friend might be considered an emotional affair.
An emotional affair is also not a relationship, close or otherwise, where flirting is a regular part of the conversation. That's just teasing without any intention of following through on the actions. That's harmful to no one, and in fact, makes most people happy - unless it becomes an emotional affair.
Where it gets tricky is when the emotional affair takes away from the connection one shares with his or her significant other. Still, this is simply a perception since, if love is a limitless energy, it cannot be taken away from someone. Time, however, is fixed in the material world, and so an emotional affair can take away from your quality time with your partner.
Again, the only way an emotional affair becomes a problem is if there is a betrayal. If there is deception. Secrecy. If, in other words, there is a lack of honesty between you and your primary partner. If there is a lack of trust in the other to understand and to love and care for you enough to let you explore your feelings - and not necessarily sexual ones - in this so-called emotional affair. If there is a threat caused by a un-discussed and so undisclosed lacking. If jealousy and doubt are seeds sprinkled across your relationship. If insecurity is the reason you long to stay together. If love is not the underlying energy keeping you together.
Emotional affairs are only negative when they're not in the open. Because they prevent at least one of the participating parties from being happy. I believe that an open emotional affair is a positive addition to a relationship, a way for partners to relax, in a sense, from trying to meet a need they either can't or don't want to fulfill (think hobbies, for example), and a way for them to stop aching and feeling undeserving and perhaps even inferior for not being able to provide for their partner in some respects.
To me, a close friendship, whether or not it has sensual dimension, is essential to the success of a relationship. Sometimes, that close friendship happens to be your relationship with your partner. When that's not the case, it should not be referred to as an emotional affair because of the stigma associated to those words. Because of the negative connotations society assigns to it.
And that's why I don't believe in the term "emotional affair". An emotional affair is society's way of stereotyping the roles of men and women and perpetuating the concepts of love that were imposed long ago to help reign in our recklessness and high birth rate. It is society's version of right and wrong, based on ideas that prevent true love from flowing. That tells couples that it's okay not to talk about your wants and needs because society has already decided on them for you. Society makes some open relationships fail due to a difference in perception that was not broached prior to entering the open relationship, or ideas and ideals that may have changed over the course of the relationship, but due to the absence of honesty and trust, were not discussed. Societal norms and rules are also why closed relationships fail, for the same root reason: a lack of communication.
And yet all of this stems from the way sex is perceived, or rather, what society tells us we should think about sex, a subject I will tackle in my next post.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness: On Gender
Let me just preface this by saying that my views on love are very different from most people's. I'm not suggesting that my opinions are correct and that everyone should think like me. I understand that love is a very personal subject, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, whatever that may be. There is no right and wrong on love, just different perceptions of it. Again, I'm not judging, just thinking.
This is the second part of an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here.
Women and Men are traditionally depicted as having different views on sex and on love. Society tells us that women don't think about sex as much as men do, and they don't enjoy it either. For them, it's more about the romance. These societal norms make women feel like they must hide their sexual thoughts. In truth, women think about sex just as much as men. If anything, because their sexual feelings are repressed, they might think about sex more then their male counterparts. Men, on the other hand, are free to express their sexual desires, because society tells them it's perfectly normal to do so.
This leads to a difference in opinions on love and therefore, on sex. But lets start with love.
Societal norms lead us to believe that men are pigs, who, even if they say they love you, just want to get busy with you - and everyone else. Obviously, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point. Men, it is said, are incapable of romance and true love, except for certain exceptions. Girls, on the other hand, dream up a perfect love story, a Prince Charming rescuing her on his white steed... yet have little hope of it actually happening. So when a guy does care for them in that way, it's a welcome surprise. In some cases, it also plants the seeds of doubt.
Why? Because women are insecure. So are men, really, but society conveniently forgets to point that out, instead referring time and time again to a woman's apparent lack of self-confidence. I'm not a man, but I've spoken to many of them, and let me tell you - men are just as insecure as women. We have the same fears, and so, the same desires.
In other words, men and women approach relationships differently mostly because society tells us we should. There are stereotypes and discriminatory statements identified with each gender, and we tend to blindly take them to be fact. In the end, abiding to those societal norms makes it tougher for true love to exist. It makes it tougher for open relationships to take place, because society doesn't accept them, and in fact, rejects them almost in the same way Christianity has rejected Pagan practices.
These stereotypes actually encourage negative feelings to enter a relationship, be it insecurity, jealousy, doubt... And all of these can be attributed to a lack of trust. Trust, as we discussed previously, is the fundamental pillar of all relationships. Yet, for some reason, it almost seems to disappear in what should be one of the most important partnerships of our lives.
Why don't we pause for a second. Let us take a look at what trust actually means. Webster defines "trust" as:
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed
And;
5 a (1): a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship
(2): something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
b: responsible charge or office
c: care , custody
Trust is not a one-way street, especially in a relationship. You must have confidence in each others' feelings and actions, but you also take custody of a tiny element of your partner's heart and soul... of their spirit. And you become responsible for caring for it, as they are responsible of caring for your spirit. Therefore, in order to function properly, trust must flow both ways.
Coupled with trust is the concept of honesty. According to Webster, "honesty" is:
2 a: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
b: adherence to the facts : sincerity
Without honesty, there can be no trust. And since trust is essential to building and maintaining a good relationship, honesty is a must.
Which brings me to the topic of affairs, addressed in the next post, for readability purposes.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
This is the second part of an exploration on love in the world of today. The first part can be found here.
Women and Men are traditionally depicted as having different views on sex and on love. Society tells us that women don't think about sex as much as men do, and they don't enjoy it either. For them, it's more about the romance. These societal norms make women feel like they must hide their sexual thoughts. In truth, women think about sex just as much as men. If anything, because their sexual feelings are repressed, they might think about sex more then their male counterparts. Men, on the other hand, are free to express their sexual desires, because society tells them it's perfectly normal to do so.
This leads to a difference in opinions on love and therefore, on sex. But lets start with love.
Societal norms lead us to believe that men are pigs, who, even if they say they love you, just want to get busy with you - and everyone else. Obviously, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point. Men, it is said, are incapable of romance and true love, except for certain exceptions. Girls, on the other hand, dream up a perfect love story, a Prince Charming rescuing her on his white steed... yet have little hope of it actually happening. So when a guy does care for them in that way, it's a welcome surprise. In some cases, it also plants the seeds of doubt.
Why? Because women are insecure. So are men, really, but society conveniently forgets to point that out, instead referring time and time again to a woman's apparent lack of self-confidence. I'm not a man, but I've spoken to many of them, and let me tell you - men are just as insecure as women. We have the same fears, and so, the same desires.
In other words, men and women approach relationships differently mostly because society tells us we should. There are stereotypes and discriminatory statements identified with each gender, and we tend to blindly take them to be fact. In the end, abiding to those societal norms makes it tougher for true love to exist. It makes it tougher for open relationships to take place, because society doesn't accept them, and in fact, rejects them almost in the same way Christianity has rejected Pagan practices.
These stereotypes actually encourage negative feelings to enter a relationship, be it insecurity, jealousy, doubt... And all of these can be attributed to a lack of trust. Trust, as we discussed previously, is the fundamental pillar of all relationships. Yet, for some reason, it almost seems to disappear in what should be one of the most important partnerships of our lives.
Why don't we pause for a second. Let us take a look at what trust actually means. Webster defines "trust" as:
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed
And;
5 a (1): a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship
(2): something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another
b: responsible charge or office
c: care , custody
Trust is not a one-way street, especially in a relationship. You must have confidence in each others' feelings and actions, but you also take custody of a tiny element of your partner's heart and soul... of their spirit. And you become responsible for caring for it, as they are responsible of caring for your spirit. Therefore, in order to function properly, trust must flow both ways.
Coupled with trust is the concept of honesty. According to Webster, "honesty" is:
2 a: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
b: adherence to the facts : sincerity
Without honesty, there can be no trust. And since trust is essential to building and maintaining a good relationship, honesty is a must.
Which brings me to the topic of affairs, addressed in the next post, for readability purposes.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness...
Let me just preface this by saying that my views on love are very different from most people's. I'm not suggesting that my opinions are correct and that everyone should think like me. I understand that love is a very personal subject, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, whatever that may be. There is no right and wrong on love, just different perceptions of it. Again, I'm not judging, just thinking.
I strongly believe that love is a feeling in the truest of senses. It does not exist in fixed quantities. You don't have a certain amount of love that needs to be divided in pie chart fashion. It is very possible and in fact, necessary to love several people at the same time and be loved by many people at the same time. Of course, there are different kinds of love, and we need and live for all of them: familial, friendly, sexual, deep caring that goes beyond the basics of friendship, love that is borderline sexual, and what I'll term, for now, "true" love.
True love is the love most people are referring to when speaking of finding their soul mate. It's a love that, like other loves, flows freely and doesn't need to be worked on, at its basic form. I'm not saying that love comes devoid of work. I just mean that sometimes love just is. True love goes beyond caring, beyond sexuality - and in fact, can exist coupled with or free of sexual love. True love for someone means letting them go, wanting to do anything and everything to let them be happy, no matter at what cost to yourself.
When you find true love, you understand how all the different ranges of emotions enter the equation. It's when your love flows from your fingertips, over space and across time, reaching for your soul mate. It could be compared to the insane burst of feelings felt for an intense crush or infatuation. The difference is that it flows deeper. You feel it in your depths, in your soul, in your heart of hearts. You know it to be true.
Finding true love also reveals that trust is the absolutely most fundamental concept of any relationship. Without trust, there is no foundation for building friendship, investing in caring, or developing a long-term relationship. And in my opinion, the ultimate form of trust is releasing your grasp on your true love, allowing them to grow freely, with or without you. In other words, you trust your true love to feel the same way for you as you do for them. You trust them with your heart, after all.
You trust them not to break you, not to hurt you or betray you. You trust that the decisions they make in life and love are made with the intention of not harming you in any way. You trust that no matter what, they will come back to you. And you trust that they want all of this for you too.
This sacred bond flows deeper than physical relationships. It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with soul. In my opinion, this pure love can only truly exist in the material world as an open relationship.
Now lets explain open relationships, shall we? According to Wikipedia, "An open relationship denotes a relationship (usually between two people) in which participants are free to have other partners."
It's actually more than that. An open relationship is one where the trust is so great that jealousy cannot exist. The love flows so deep that your partner's happiness is the single most important factor in the decisions you make about life and love. So this means that if your partner craves the company of another person, sexually or otherwise, you, as a member of the open relationship, agree and even encourage your partner to explore and release those feelings because of the happiness it would bring them, and therefore you. Whether or not you, as a couple, decide on restrictions or rules for your relationship doesn't affect the fundamental nature of the relationship - that it is based on trust and true love.
For me, there is no alternative to an open relationship. Perhaps I'm just a bit idealistic, but I truly believe that human beings are capable of an enormous amount of love. Yet we restrict ourselves, burden ourselves with right and wrong when those values were imposed in ancient times as solutions to problems like overpopulation or recklessness. I would like to think that at this point in existence, we're able to have safe sex and control our primal urges. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be ethical reasoning behind our actions. Far from it. I do, however, believe that love crosses those boundaries. You can't choose who you love or who you fall in love with.
Because there is a difference between loving and falling in love. And I think that's the main thorn in society's side. Most people can't tell love from being in love. My view is that love is uncontrollable. You can't tell it that it's okay to love some people and not others. You can't tell it to stop loving someone - it usually just is or isn't. However, in the same way that you can control anger and other impulses, you can work on love, and eventually not feel the same kind of love or the same intensity of love for someone. It's like having a passion for something. You can learn to be less passionate, but somewhere deep down, you'll always care about the things that have made you passionate in the past.
Being in love, on the other hand, is a state of being that can vary from a small, quick crush to an intense infatuation. It can lead to love or stem from it. Most of the time, people who are in long-term relationships are in love with their partners, whether or not they truly, fully love them. It's almost like the material manifestation of love, the day to day of a relationship. That's being in love.
Hopefully, most married couples are not only in love with each other but they love each other too. The couples who get divorced either stop being in love with each other, perhaps because things change and the day-to-day of the relationship becomes too tedious, or because they realize that their love is not true, not full and free. Either way, they stop being happy pursuing life and love together. If they can work things out amicably throughout and after the separation, they most likely love each other but have simply fallen out of love.
That was my situation. Which brings me to gender differences on the concept of love, which I'll take on in my next post.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
I strongly believe that love is a feeling in the truest of senses. It does not exist in fixed quantities. You don't have a certain amount of love that needs to be divided in pie chart fashion. It is very possible and in fact, necessary to love several people at the same time and be loved by many people at the same time. Of course, there are different kinds of love, and we need and live for all of them: familial, friendly, sexual, deep caring that goes beyond the basics of friendship, love that is borderline sexual, and what I'll term, for now, "true" love.
True love is the love most people are referring to when speaking of finding their soul mate. It's a love that, like other loves, flows freely and doesn't need to be worked on, at its basic form. I'm not saying that love comes devoid of work. I just mean that sometimes love just is. True love goes beyond caring, beyond sexuality - and in fact, can exist coupled with or free of sexual love. True love for someone means letting them go, wanting to do anything and everything to let them be happy, no matter at what cost to yourself.
When you find true love, you understand how all the different ranges of emotions enter the equation. It's when your love flows from your fingertips, over space and across time, reaching for your soul mate. It could be compared to the insane burst of feelings felt for an intense crush or infatuation. The difference is that it flows deeper. You feel it in your depths, in your soul, in your heart of hearts. You know it to be true.
Finding true love also reveals that trust is the absolutely most fundamental concept of any relationship. Without trust, there is no foundation for building friendship, investing in caring, or developing a long-term relationship. And in my opinion, the ultimate form of trust is releasing your grasp on your true love, allowing them to grow freely, with or without you. In other words, you trust your true love to feel the same way for you as you do for them. You trust them with your heart, after all.
You trust them not to break you, not to hurt you or betray you. You trust that the decisions they make in life and love are made with the intention of not harming you in any way. You trust that no matter what, they will come back to you. And you trust that they want all of this for you too.
This sacred bond flows deeper than physical relationships. It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with soul. In my opinion, this pure love can only truly exist in the material world as an open relationship.
Now lets explain open relationships, shall we? According to Wikipedia, "An open relationship denotes a relationship (usually between two people) in which participants are free to have other partners."
It's actually more than that. An open relationship is one where the trust is so great that jealousy cannot exist. The love flows so deep that your partner's happiness is the single most important factor in the decisions you make about life and love. So this means that if your partner craves the company of another person, sexually or otherwise, you, as a member of the open relationship, agree and even encourage your partner to explore and release those feelings because of the happiness it would bring them, and therefore you. Whether or not you, as a couple, decide on restrictions or rules for your relationship doesn't affect the fundamental nature of the relationship - that it is based on trust and true love.
For me, there is no alternative to an open relationship. Perhaps I'm just a bit idealistic, but I truly believe that human beings are capable of an enormous amount of love. Yet we restrict ourselves, burden ourselves with right and wrong when those values were imposed in ancient times as solutions to problems like overpopulation or recklessness. I would like to think that at this point in existence, we're able to have safe sex and control our primal urges. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be ethical reasoning behind our actions. Far from it. I do, however, believe that love crosses those boundaries. You can't choose who you love or who you fall in love with.
Because there is a difference between loving and falling in love. And I think that's the main thorn in society's side. Most people can't tell love from being in love. My view is that love is uncontrollable. You can't tell it that it's okay to love some people and not others. You can't tell it to stop loving someone - it usually just is or isn't. However, in the same way that you can control anger and other impulses, you can work on love, and eventually not feel the same kind of love or the same intensity of love for someone. It's like having a passion for something. You can learn to be less passionate, but somewhere deep down, you'll always care about the things that have made you passionate in the past.
Being in love, on the other hand, is a state of being that can vary from a small, quick crush to an intense infatuation. It can lead to love or stem from it. Most of the time, people who are in long-term relationships are in love with their partners, whether or not they truly, fully love them. It's almost like the material manifestation of love, the day to day of a relationship. That's being in love.
Hopefully, most married couples are not only in love with each other but they love each other too. The couples who get divorced either stop being in love with each other, perhaps because things change and the day-to-day of the relationship becomes too tedious, or because they realize that their love is not true, not full and free. Either way, they stop being happy pursuing life and love together. If they can work things out amicably throughout and after the separation, they most likely love each other but have simply fallen out of love.
That was my situation. Which brings me to gender differences on the concept of love, which I'll take on in my next post.
Stay tuned...
Please feel free to leave comments, as long as they promote the exploration of the topic rather than bash my thoughts and opinions. I'm looking for constructive criticism, not hate mail. If you have nothing helpful to say, please don't bother saying it.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Round 1 in Toronto
Well, Round 1 is over and Round 2 is underway. And I'm still in Toronto! Which is to be expected, and a good thing really. Except that I'm really starting to miss the euphoria and Habs fever of Montreal. Not to mention their weather, which has been considerably more sunny than Toronto ever since that snowstorm period in early April.
As for the job itself, I definitely settled into it. It's really cool to learn all about the different technologies, from the audio mixer to video switcher, EVS machines and a bunch of other stuff like tape archiving, etc. I think my internship at Sportsnet last summer definitely better prepared me for this job, because I at least had some idea of how a studio show and production studio works. Those rows of big yellow tapes in Sports Archives on the second basement didn't scare me!
In a way, I find studio production to be much more hectic in the control room than in a truck. I guess the truck is hectic in a different way. Even though Control Room 42 basically only produces the studio segments and related VTR items, when they're on, it's crazy. And I love it.
My only problem is trying to sleep after a show... All I hear is "roll Silver, cut Silver, mix to Blue" etc etc.
I've learned so much just from observing and listening, and I'm glad that the Hockey Night in Canada family is so open and friendly. Not that I was expecting anything different, but it's nice to be able to ask just about any production related question and get a real answer. You just have to know when to ask and when to just be silent.
Anyway, instead of boring you with more TV observations, I thought I'd try something different. Here's a summary of my time in Toronto from the moment I got to the airport in Montreal until the beginning of Round 2, through facebook.
Enjoy!
PS: The (m) is for mobile update. And it's in reverse time order, by date.
Naila is in transit. (m) 12:02pm
April 6
Naila actually got home before 1 am! Impressive! (m)
Naila votes P.J. Stock for superstar of the day!That's 4 straight hours of radio,then 20 mins of TV.
Naila will try to read Total Stanley Cup today. 9:17am
Naila might be getting a cold. Oh well. Even the best fall down sometimes.
Naila can't wait for early meal break! (m)
Naila loves College station because of its beautiful hockey-related murals. (m)
Naila keeps forgetting she can't get out from Front Street at this time! (m) 11:42pm
Naila just flashed back to last summer... another example of the love-hate relationship between trams and bikes. (m) 2:06pm
Naila can't believe how loud the Bell Centre is... and that's just on TV! (m) 8:28pm
Naila had a wonderful 2 days in Montreal and will definitely miss Habs fever! (m)10:44am
Naila is flying! (m) 8:09am
Naila loves all these End of Year pics.
Naila wonders how she got a bruise in the middle of her right cheek bum. (m) 2:24pm
Naila was looking at Olympic dates and just realized she didn't have to worry about starting school! (m) 11:54am
Naila loves. 10:29am
Naila is glad her prediction for tonight turned out to be wrong. 1:05am
Naila realizes how much she really does miss playing hockey after watching it day in and day out.
Naila loves her uncanny ability to cut or bruise herself on just about anything. (m) 1:12pm
Naila is glad it isn't as cold as it was supposed to be today.
Naila apologizes.
Naila is so happy for her boys!! (m) 10:36pm
Naila is having hockey related heart attacks! (m) 8:24pm
Naila just saw 2 random guys walking down King street in Habs jerseys. Oh yeah! (m) 3:06pm
Naila is sorta comforted at the fact that the subway fails in Toronto too... but why did it have to happen to me? (m)12:13pm
Naila will rock you. 10:00am
Naila wrote half her paper in shorthand on the subway ride in to work this morning. 2:23pm
Naila just saw a butterfly crossing the street!(m) 11:34am
Naila is ready for flip flops.
Naila thought that was pretty depressing. (m) 9:47pm
Naila has heart palpitations again! (m)
Naila has decided today is a HUG day. Any and all hugs will be accepted. 10:17am
Naila thinks these seagulls or wtv they're called sound like whining babies. Also, yey! sun! 2:24pm
Naila always forgets how different it feels to walk in flip-flop like sandals.11:56am
Naila is excited to hang out with Ryan tonight!!! :D.
Naila is sad that her aunt who she hasn't seen in 11 years is in Montreal, and she's not :(. (m) 12:25am
Naila brought the flowers Ryan got her to the craft room. Now it smells exotic in there. 3:03pm
Naila has decided she's pretty decent looking. (m)
Naila had amazing cake at work today. 7:02pm
Naila really has to get cracking on this act of citizenship assignment.
Naila has too much pent-up frustration (not Habs related), but she wishes she'd punched something softer than an elevator mirror. 12:29am
Naila still can't stop smiling!!
Naila just can't believe it!! GO HABS GO!! (m) 10:22pm
Naila just saw Peter Mansbridge walking around level 4 of the CBC building. (m) 4:23pm
Naila thinks her paper is almost done.
Naila will have to finish this thing at work today.
Naila is hanging out. 7:56pm
Naila saw a girl in a Habs smile Tshirt sitting on a bench in downtown Toronto... And then a guy in a Habs jersey having lunch a few steps away. (m) 2:09pm
Naila almost just walked in to a CTV shot. Can't escape the media forever!!
Naila can't believe she's actually done school. 11:17am
Naila has new clothes! 10:39pm
Naila would move to Toronto for Red Lobster. (m)8:01pm
Naila can't believe she's actually eating at Red Lobster for the first time since she was like 8. Omg awesome! (m)6:58pm
Naila has Hockey Night music stuck in her head! (m)5:05pm
Naila is shopping on her day off! (m) 3:46pm
Naila wanted to go out but the rain is putting a damper on things...
Naila should be sleeping.
And there you have it... the ups and downs of life in live TV...
As for the job itself, I definitely settled into it. It's really cool to learn all about the different technologies, from the audio mixer to video switcher, EVS machines and a bunch of other stuff like tape archiving, etc. I think my internship at Sportsnet last summer definitely better prepared me for this job, because I at least had some idea of how a studio show and production studio works. Those rows of big yellow tapes in Sports Archives on the second basement didn't scare me!
In a way, I find studio production to be much more hectic in the control room than in a truck. I guess the truck is hectic in a different way. Even though Control Room 42 basically only produces the studio segments and related VTR items, when they're on, it's crazy. And I love it.
My only problem is trying to sleep after a show... All I hear is "roll Silver, cut Silver, mix to Blue" etc etc.
I've learned so much just from observing and listening, and I'm glad that the Hockey Night in Canada family is so open and friendly. Not that I was expecting anything different, but it's nice to be able to ask just about any production related question and get a real answer. You just have to know when to ask and when to just be silent.
Anyway, instead of boring you with more TV observations, I thought I'd try something different. Here's a summary of my time in Toronto from the moment I got to the airport in Montreal until the beginning of Round 2, through facebook.
Enjoy!
PS: The (m) is for mobile update. And it's in reverse time order, by date.
April 5
Naila is in transit. (m) 12:02pm
Naila is in Toronto, ready for her big debut! (m)3:49pm
April 6
Naila thought watching broadcast schedule making was awesome. So hectic. So worth it. (m) 11:02pm
Naila really enjoys the fact that if you miss the subway in Toronto it only takes 2 mins for the next one to show up. Even on weekends. (m)5:33pm
Naila thoroughly enjoyed work today. 1:57am
April 7
Naila actually got home before 1 am! Impressive! (m)
Naila votes P.J. Stock for superstar of the day!That's 4 straight hours of radio,then 20 mins of TV.
Naila will try to read Total Stanley Cup today. 9:17am
Naila hopes the Habs give her a Bday present for Game 1. 12:34am
April 8
Naila might be getting a cold. Oh well. Even the best fall down sometimes.
Naila feels like today was longer than any other day, but in fact, it was 2h shorter! (m) 8:12pm
Naila can't wait for early meal break! (m)
Naila loves College station because of its beautiful hockey-related murals. (m)
Naila couldn't sleep past 7:45. Silly brain. 8:37am
April 9
Naila keeps forgetting she can't get out from Front Street at this time! (m) 11:42pm
Naila just flashed back to last summer... another example of the love-hate relationship between trams and bikes. (m) 2:06pm
Naila just realized that people in Toronto who are not hockey fans think HNIC goes off the air onge the Leafs' season is over. (m) 11:57am
Naila totally is sick. But have no fear! Advil Cold & Sinus is here! 9:50am
April 10
Naila has had the best birthday ever and received an abundance of love and gifts, including the Habs' victory and a promise of a ticket to Vancouver from my dad! 10:36pm
Naila is excited for Ryan's graduation ceremony!(m)12:47pm
Naila has landed in her hometown. (m)10:00am
Naila couldn't sleep, with Ron and Don and Control Room 42 in her ear all night! (m) 7:12am
Naila is kinda impressed that facebook wished her a happy birthday! 12:28am
April 11
Naila has a papercut in the middle of her right index finger. What inconvenient placement! (m) 1:29pm
Naila is so very happy :).
9:27amApril 12
Naila can't believe how loud the Bell Centre is... and that's just on TV! (m) 8:28pm
Naila had a wonderful 2 days in Montreal and will definitely miss Habs fever! (m)10:44am
Naila is flying! (m) 8:09am
Naila feels totally blessed. 12:54am
April 13
Naila loves all these End of Year pics.
Naila wonders how she got a bruise in the middle of her right cheek bum. (m) 2:24pm
Naila was looking at Olympic dates and just realized she didn't have to worry about starting school! (m) 11:54am
Naila loves. 10:29am
Naila is glad her prediction for tonight turned out to be wrong. 1:05am
April 14
Naila realizes how much she really does miss playing hockey after watching it day in and day out.
Naila loves her uncanny ability to cut or bruise herself on just about anything. (m) 1:12pm
Naila is glad it isn't as cold as it was supposed to be today.
Naila apologizes.
Naila was impressed by stellar performances by both early game goalies tonight. Not so much in Calgary. 12:28am
April 15
Naila is so happy for her boys!! (m) 10:36pm
Naila is having hockey related heart attacks! (m) 8:24pm
Naila just saw 2 random guys walking down King street in Habs jerseys. Oh yeah! (m) 3:06pm
Naila is sorta comforted at the fact that the subway fails in Toronto too... but why did it have to happen to me? (m)12:13pm
Naila will rock you. 10:00am
April 16
Naila wrote half her paper in shorthand on the subway ride in to work this morning. 2:23pm
Naila just saw a butterfly crossing the street!(m) 11:34am
Naila is ready for flip flops.
Naila enjoys the luxuries in life... like having lunch with Lindsay! 12:09am
April 17
Naila thought that was pretty depressing. (m) 9:47pm
Naila has heart palpitations again! (m)
Naila has decided today is a HUG day. Any and all hugs will be accepted. 10:17am
Naila had fun learning a bunch of new things tonight. (m) 12:24am
April 18
Naila thinks these seagulls or wtv they're called sound like whining babies. Also, yey! sun! 2:24pm
Naila always forgets how different it feels to walk in flip-flop like sandals.11:56am
Naila is excited to hang out with Ryan tonight!!! :D.
Naila is sad that her aunt who she hasn't seen in 11 years is in Montreal, and she's not :(. (m) 12:25am
April 19
Naila brought the flowers Ryan got her to the craft room. Now it smells exotic in there. 3:03pm
Naila had a blast hanging out with Ryan and work friends last night. 9:42am
April 20
Naila has decided she's pretty decent looking. (m)
Naila had amazing cake at work today. 7:02pm
Naila really has to get cracking on this act of citizenship assignment.
Naila has too much pent-up frustration (not Habs related), but she wishes she'd punched something softer than an elevator mirror. 12:29am
April 21
Naila still can't stop smiling!!
Naila just can't believe it!! GO HABS GO!! (m) 10:22pm
Naila just saw Peter Mansbridge walking around level 4 of the CBC building. (m) 4:23pm
Naila thinks her paper is almost done.
Naila will have to finish this thing at work today.
Naila needs to finish this essay. 1:05am
April 22
Naila is hanging out. 7:56pm
Naila saw a girl in a Habs smile Tshirt sitting on a bench in downtown Toronto... And then a guy in a Habs jersey having lunch a few steps away. (m) 2:09pm
Naila almost just walked in to a CTV shot. Can't escape the media forever!!
Naila can't believe she's actually done school. 11:17am
April 23
Naila has new clothes! 10:39pm
Naila would move to Toronto for Red Lobster. (m)8:01pm
Naila can't believe she's actually eating at Red Lobster for the first time since she was like 8. Omg awesome! (m)6:58pm
Naila has Hockey Night music stuck in her head! (m)5:05pm
Naila is shopping on her day off! (m) 3:46pm
Naila wanted to go out but the rain is putting a damper on things...
Naila should be sleeping.
Naila has a day off!! 2:59am
And there you have it... the ups and downs of life in live TV...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In case you were wondering...
I count stairs. Compulsively, perhaps. Subconsciously, most likely.
Most of the time, I start counting without even knowing it, only noticing once I've reached an abnormally large number or thought of something else. This is mostly because I get bored very easily. So I count steps and stairs. Though most often just stairs.
I also come up with nifty blog posts while I walk, although sadly, they never turn out that great when I finally sit down and type them up.
But back to the stairs.
Today, I worked the Habs vs. Bruins game at the Bell Center. I had a ridiculously awesome time. Ridiculous because for once, I actually fulfilled my job title. I ran around a lot! But it was all in good fun, and I stepped up and got things done, not only on time, but usually well. At least, that's what I've gathered from the feedback I received.
But that's besides the point.
The point is, I took the metro to get to work, and therefore got off at the Lucien-L'allier station. Did you know that, ironically, there are 24 steps leading up from the metro platform up to the exit where the security guard watches as you feed the machine?
24 steps for 24 Stanley Cups.
Hopefully, that symbolism won't be true after the Montreal Canadiens' Centennial celebrations.
I don't tend to count escalator steps, because, well, the number varies based on speed of ascension or descent, and because it just doesn't count.
However, I do know that there are 3 x 10 steps going from the metro station to the super secret super stinky tunnel to the Lucien-L'allier train station, and therefore, into the Bell Centre.
Usually, I cut through the train station and go down the stairs at the other end of the station, heading down to St-Antoine Street and the media entrance.
There number of stairs in that set has an average of 20.66666666666 (to infinity and beyond!), with the sequencing as follows (from station to street): 21, 19, 22. One has to wonder why they didn't make them all 20 or 21. I'm sure it would have worked out.
So to recap, that's a total of 116 steps and 3 escalators for me to get from the metro platform to the media entrance.
Not that I'm complaining... It's good exercise!
Most of the time, I start counting without even knowing it, only noticing once I've reached an abnormally large number or thought of something else. This is mostly because I get bored very easily. So I count steps and stairs. Though most often just stairs.
I also come up with nifty blog posts while I walk, although sadly, they never turn out that great when I finally sit down and type them up.
But back to the stairs.
Today, I worked the Habs vs. Bruins game at the Bell Center. I had a ridiculously awesome time. Ridiculous because for once, I actually fulfilled my job title. I ran around a lot! But it was all in good fun, and I stepped up and got things done, not only on time, but usually well. At least, that's what I've gathered from the feedback I received.
But that's besides the point.
The point is, I took the metro to get to work, and therefore got off at the Lucien-L'allier station. Did you know that, ironically, there are 24 steps leading up from the metro platform up to the exit where the security guard watches as you feed the machine?
24 steps for 24 Stanley Cups.
Hopefully, that symbolism won't be true after the Montreal Canadiens' Centennial celebrations.
I don't tend to count escalator steps, because, well, the number varies based on speed of ascension or descent, and because it just doesn't count.
However, I do know that there are 3 x 10 steps going from the metro station to the super secret super stinky tunnel to the Lucien-L'allier train station, and therefore, into the Bell Centre.
Usually, I cut through the train station and go down the stairs at the other end of the station, heading down to St-Antoine Street and the media entrance.
There number of stairs in that set has an average of 20.66666666666 (to infinity and beyond!), with the sequencing as follows (from station to street): 21, 19, 22. One has to wonder why they didn't make them all 20 or 21. I'm sure it would have worked out.
So to recap, that's a total of 116 steps and 3 escalators for me to get from the metro platform to the media entrance.
Not that I'm complaining... It's good exercise!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Timbits
* It is absolutely ridiculous that the Pittsburgh Penguins are pushing away their vets, including Mark Recchi, who cleared waivers last night. Ironically, Wednesday was Mark Recchi Bobblehead night in Pittsburgh.
* Maroon 5's latest CD is brilliant. It's fun to listen to, but not too overbearing or repetitive. It uses a few well known riffs from popular songs... but mostly to start off their songs, before going in an opposite direction. Still, it catches your ear, which makes me believe that this disc has at least 3 more good singles on it.
* The Habs have called up Ryan O'Byrne and Maxim Lapierre, as you're probably already aware. This means Grabovski's going to Hamilton. These changes, in my opinion, are long overdue... although you have to wonder about calling up two of the penalty minute leaders on the 'Dogs team. Hopefully, this shake up, a mini-shake-up really, will create a spark, add some energy, shuffle the deck, add your cliché here...
* The TV Strike officially sucks. Simply because I'm now on break and there's nothing on at night. I have to resort to going out and spending money (yay! Wings night!), or watching old shows.
* Speaking of which, I have finished re-watching all of ALIAS... Two years after I started, lol. But, to be fair, I didn't watch it regularly. And all my habitual TV viewing/hockey games/work/homework came first. The good news is, it's just as good as I remember it to be. The bad news is, it's so sad I cried. And now, I have nothing to watch. I'm trying a bit of Robot Chicken, but I'm definitely going to have to search the server for a new series to watch...
* Tonight is JSA Karaoke night. YEY! But travel time means that I'll probably miss some of the game... unless I watch from downtown earlier, which involves driving in traffic. And then there's the whole needing a car at the specified time thing...
* Star Trek is coming to town! We don't know when, or where exactly, but a Star Trek Tour has been announced, and for once, Montreal is on the list of stops. Attractions include a life-size version of the Enterprise bridge (the original, in case you're wondering), an opportunity to have a digitally-modified photo taken with life-sized members of the original cast, a few museum-like articles such as Jeri Ryan's Seven of Nine costume, tours, audio visuals, simulators, and more! :D You can be sure that when the details are revealed (including prices), I'm totally jumping on this bandwagon!
* And in more Star Trek-related news, I was lucky enough to be one of the 300 people who got their hands on a limited, signed, hardcover copy of Wil Wheaton's latest book, The Happiest Days of our Lives. My paypal order has been processed, and my package is probably somewhere between California and Montreal right now... How wonderful! I love waiting for packages you can't track... it's all the more exciting!
* I wasn't selected as a Donaldson Scholar, but no matter! I'm applying for the winter semester internship with CBC News TV in Montreal. Sure, I won't get paid, but that's totally irrelevant. The experience is worth much more than a couple of sparkly tops.
And last but not least,
* Biorhythms are actually fairly accurate, from my experience. Very surprising, but very useful. If you believe in that sort of thing, I mean.
Stay tuned for more rambling...
* Maroon 5's latest CD is brilliant. It's fun to listen to, but not too overbearing or repetitive. It uses a few well known riffs from popular songs... but mostly to start off their songs, before going in an opposite direction. Still, it catches your ear, which makes me believe that this disc has at least 3 more good singles on it.
* The Habs have called up Ryan O'Byrne and Maxim Lapierre, as you're probably already aware. This means Grabovski's going to Hamilton. These changes, in my opinion, are long overdue... although you have to wonder about calling up two of the penalty minute leaders on the 'Dogs team. Hopefully, this shake up, a mini-shake-up really, will create a spark, add some energy, shuffle the deck, add your cliché here...
* The TV Strike officially sucks. Simply because I'm now on break and there's nothing on at night. I have to resort to going out and spending money (yay! Wings night!), or watching old shows.
* Speaking of which, I have finished re-watching all of ALIAS... Two years after I started, lol. But, to be fair, I didn't watch it regularly. And all my habitual TV viewing/hockey games/work/homework came first. The good news is, it's just as good as I remember it to be. The bad news is, it's so sad I cried. And now, I have nothing to watch. I'm trying a bit of Robot Chicken, but I'm definitely going to have to search the server for a new series to watch...
* Tonight is JSA Karaoke night. YEY! But travel time means that I'll probably miss some of the game... unless I watch from downtown earlier, which involves driving in traffic. And then there's the whole needing a car at the specified time thing...
* Star Trek is coming to town! We don't know when, or where exactly, but a Star Trek Tour has been announced, and for once, Montreal is on the list of stops. Attractions include a life-size version of the Enterprise bridge (the original, in case you're wondering), an opportunity to have a digitally-modified photo taken with life-sized members of the original cast, a few museum-like articles such as Jeri Ryan's Seven of Nine costume, tours, audio visuals, simulators, and more! :D You can be sure that when the details are revealed (including prices), I'm totally jumping on this bandwagon!
* And in more Star Trek-related news, I was lucky enough to be one of the 300 people who got their hands on a limited, signed, hardcover copy of Wil Wheaton's latest book, The Happiest Days of our Lives. My paypal order has been processed, and my package is probably somewhere between California and Montreal right now... How wonderful! I love waiting for packages you can't track... it's all the more exciting!
* I wasn't selected as a Donaldson Scholar, but no matter! I'm applying for the winter semester internship with CBC News TV in Montreal. Sure, I won't get paid, but that's totally irrelevant. The experience is worth much more than a couple of sparkly tops.
And last but not least,
* Biorhythms are actually fairly accurate, from my experience. Very surprising, but very useful. If you believe in that sort of thing, I mean.
Stay tuned for more rambling...
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Running through my head (no scissors involved)
* I can't believe I've had a computer since 1993. I was 8. I've been using the Internet since 1994. All my decision-making life, I've had access to computers and the Internet. Crazy.
* I wish I lived in Western Canada so I could go to country music shows. Why, oh why must country stars shun the great East? Some stars don't even play in Toronto or Ottawa, places I could justify traveling to for a show.
* I am completely, totally, extremely excited about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert tonight. It's snowing, and while that means dangerous roads, it's the perfect setting for tonight's show. TSO brings the snow. Most importantly, I'm very excited about spending the night with some very special people in my life. Also, I like that I can actually get work done during the show... I need to screen all of TSO's hits to choose one for our newscast.
* Hot tubs might be gross because of all that random dead skin floating around, but the gym is grosser. Can you imagine getting other peoples' sweat, germs, and phlegm all over you? That's why I work out at home. That's also why I don't work out so much. PS: Doing groceries is pretty gross too.
* I will not change for a boy. At least, not a lot. I won't change my habits to meet a boy. I won't go out of my way to get a boy to like me. If you can't appreciate me as is, then you won't appreciate me if I change. All women should follow this creed, and the cretins would die out... Hopefully.
* I wish I lived in Western Canada so I could go to country music shows. Why, oh why must country stars shun the great East? Some stars don't even play in Toronto or Ottawa, places I could justify traveling to for a show.
* I am completely, totally, extremely excited about the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert tonight. It's snowing, and while that means dangerous roads, it's the perfect setting for tonight's show. TSO brings the snow. Most importantly, I'm very excited about spending the night with some very special people in my life. Also, I like that I can actually get work done during the show... I need to screen all of TSO's hits to choose one for our newscast.
* Hot tubs might be gross because of all that random dead skin floating around, but the gym is grosser. Can you imagine getting other peoples' sweat, germs, and phlegm all over you? That's why I work out at home. That's also why I don't work out so much. PS: Doing groceries is pretty gross too.
* I will not change for a boy. At least, not a lot. I won't change my habits to meet a boy. I won't go out of my way to get a boy to like me. If you can't appreciate me as is, then you won't appreciate me if I change. All women should follow this creed, and the cretins would die out... Hopefully.
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