Detoxing

Lately, I've been looking for new ways to detox.

Despite my fairly calm, easy life, I've been very stressed. I guess the whole job searching thing will do that to you. Not to mention unexpected dental fees, crazy work hours, deadlines, insane travel time to get anywhere that's anywhere, and a busy home life. Add to that personal stress like potential relationships, tricky friendships, family visits, and PMSing, and you've got my life.

Understandably, I can be a ball of nerves at times.

I tried taking baths, and that worked for a while. But sometimes you're just too exhausted for a bath - and fear falling asleep and sinking lower and lower in the not nearly big enough tub - or more likely, you just don't have time to relax and detox in the bath. Or the will for it.

I tried candles and incense, but as much as I try to contain it to my room, it does flow into the rest of the house, to everyone else's detriment - which just causes additional stress and frustration.

Yoga's been a great help but it just hasn't been as mind-clearing as usual in the past few weeks... Perhaps because I have too much on my mind or maybe because it's often my only form of mental relaxation. Random meditation/breathing exercises at home are a temporary solution, but consequently the positive effects don't stick around for long.

Music has been kinda working, but as much as I love Britney Spears' new CD, listening to Circus on repeat just won't cut it. Classical music worked on one day, the Star Trek soundtrack on another. Random country music favourites also help, but they're just not mind-numbing enough. In fact, I'd say they're thought provoking with their catchy tunes and deep lyrics.

So what else can I try?

My problem is that I tend to want to avoid thinking about several issues at the same time, and while one solution will take care of one of the negative thoughts, it might bring up another. It's a bit of a vicious circle, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, other than doubling up on the yoga - which would be both expensive and taxing on the body. Seriously folks, after a good, active yoga session, my body honestly doesn't wanna stretch and bend like that again for oh, about a week or so.

And as much as I look forward to going to work as a form of entertainment - because of the excellent fun I have with my coworkers, the excitment in the air, and, of course, the hockey, work itself can be a cause of stress - or at least a reminder of it.

So I've taken to filling out surveys. Every night before I go to bed. Or at least, that's what I was doing a few weeks ago. Of course, everyone was in exams - or stressed out over the upcoming holidays - and so I had a constant string of new questionnaires to fill in, courtesy of friends' Facebook notes. Similarly, they'd feed my latest obsession by filling in the surveys I posted for procrastination purposes. Which fueled my search for more detailed and creative surveys to answer.

I've stopped doing the "must fill uber long survey instead of sleep" thing - mostly because I want to spend more time reading before bed, but when I feel particularly lethargic - a defensive reaction to stressful thoughts - I quickly search Facebook notes for a new survey to fill, or visit one of the many MySpace survey sites for something completely random.

What I really need, though, is a good cry.

After an extremely stressful week last week and several mini panic and/or anxiety attacks, I got over my immediate stress quite nicely with the above detoxing techniques... but I was so close to a breakdown that the tears are still lingering just under the surface. And while I'm not necessarily trying to hold them back, I'm not letting them fall free either. It would suck to have a long, hard cry for something that wasn't quite worth it. Somehow, I don't think it would accomplish anything long term - and so I'd be forced to cry once more to let it all out. And that's just not my MO.

Hopefully, having a bit more alone time during the holiday period will help - I'm looking forward to a mostly empty house, no crazy work hours or transportation issues, nearly no deadlines, and some "me" time.

Stay tuned...

Yoga: My first time

Yoga was amazing.

It's a lame opening sentence, sure, but it's also true.

My expectations going in were pretty dull. I was very interested in doing yoga, but I hadn't really thought about it since I made the decision to take classes. Also, I wasn't really in the mood to go. Thankfully, I had already called and reserved my spot... which compelled me to actually show up.

And I'm so glad I did.

We started with breathing exercises, which were useful with reconnecting myself with, well, myself. It also reminded me of breathing for singing, using the three different chambers. Very interesting stuff, that's for sure.

We then evolved to sun salutations and basic positions like the Sphynx. Then we did some standing poses and ended with more breathing and relaxation positions.

Not only did I feel my muscles work, it felt great to stretch for a reason, in a systematic manner as opposed to just for the need to stretch. I also loved the end relaxation period, where the teacher helps you relax by working on your muscles a bit... Yoga AND a massage? Awesome.

But the best part is, for the whole 1.5h, I did not think of anything else than my breathing and getting the positions right. No one and nothing else entered my thoughts. Even when people's cellphones rang, which was jarring. Yes, mine was on silent mode.

This was just an initiation class but I'm pretty sure I'm signing up for the 8-week beginner's lessons. Hopefully, I'll be committed enough to practice outside of class.

And to all my friends who knew I'd love it: thanks for constantly tell me how great it would be. Your stories did nothing to lower my expectations, and yet, each one of them was met!!

Yoga made me feel relaxed, whole, and peaceful... and yet it did make me work, and my muscles will be sore tomorrow. I think this is the perfect type of class for me... Something that combines how you feel with what you do, spirituality with materialism. I don't think I'll ever quit yoga.

Okay, I might quit temporarily, but the teachings will always be a part of me, in one way or another.